04/12/2011

Another day that will go down in history. Well at least for our family! Jeremie is home! Woo Hoo!!! Such a wonderful day. Almost as significant as 02/24/11, the day of his transplant. Jeremie came home at day 49 of his transplant.

We were a bit sneaky and brought Jeremie home this weekend. Kind of a dry run, see where we were at. It was a wonderful weekend. I had not been home on a weekend for 9 weeks. It was absolutely wonderful. It felt so good to be normal. So it was so difficult to take him back last night.

We had our appointment with LDS Hospital at 10:00 am this morning. We were sort of nervous how it would go. But ultimately this is Jeremie's ride. He gets to decide how this is going to go. Like usual we needed to take what information they gave us. Wrap it into our family, our goals and how we hope to live this out. So our oncologist came in (I won't go into the parts where I want to scream...we will leave that for a future rant session). He gave his "prepared" speech on how/why we should stay in Salt Lake...blah, blah, blah. Obviously nothing screamed out at us that we should stay. So he finished, and Jeremie said thanks, but I'm going home. And our oncologist smiled, and said "Ok". Then we started in on how this plan was going to work out. We are going to Salt Lake every other Monday, seeing Dr. Lemon in St. George on the Monday's we are not in Salt Lake. And then living our lives to its fullest.

This has been the scariest ride I have ever been on. I've never seen so much pain and experienced so much heartache in my life. I've mentally and honestly, physically prepared myself for my husbands death. I have prayed along side him that it would end, and end now. I have pleaded to please let him stay. I have prayed and hoped that something, anything would get rid of this cancer. I have been angry and frustrated that we never seem to have anything easy. That finally we had reached this period in our life that should have been relatively smooth sailing. Ha! Joke was on me! I have learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. That energy I never even knew existed in my body, was there. I have felt and learned of the love I'm surrounded by.

I usually don't share my spiritual beliefs (I believe they are sacred and private), but here I go. I have such a strong belief in God, and Jesus. I truly understand what it is to "feel comforted". And obviously I have seen and experienced Miracles. I don't believe that God gives us disease or cancer. I do believe being mortal and part of earth and its imperfections makes us all susceptible to earthy laws and rules (i.e. bad genes, environment etc.). I believe we get to act in Gods stead. We are to serve each other and love each other as we are loved by him. That is the blessing. I guess I'm sharing that because I have felt strangers love, gifts, prayers, good thoughts, good vibes, good energy and I feel that we are all gifts to each other. I know this is why I have this blessed extra time with Jeremie. I love not knowing our future. I feel so grateful for all the wonderful people in our lives. I wish I could name you all. But at the risk of offending someone I forgot (cause I'm not perfect). Please, please know how much I appreciate your fasts, your prayers, your love, your good thoughts, your positive energy and your support. I know I will never be alone.

And leukemia sucks.

I'm so excited for our future. We are dreaming of how we are going to be putting our backyard together. We are dreaming about my future when I'm finished with school (praying I can marry it into what I'm doing now...Jeremie helped me think of some awesome stuff!). Dreaming about when we have grand-kids and how our house will probably be finished just in time for them. We haven't done this for a year. It felt SO GOOD! I missed him, he is the other half of my soul. I'm literally not complete without him. Thank you God for letting me have him for a little while more :-)

Again, Thank you...to all of you who love us and believe in us,

Cori