Jeremie made it through his surgery pretty slick. He is sore, but starting to feel a little bit better. The growth was definitely malignant. Just read the path report today, and the malignancy is leukemia.
Questioned poor Dr. Lemon to death on Saturday. One positive is that the growth was pretty "contained", but I really don't know what that means. Or even what we do next, if anything. Still waiting on the results from the bone-marrow biopsy. We are possibly looking at decreasing some of Jeremie's immunosuppressants based on the biopsy. This would hopefully help increase the graft vs leukemia effect, that would again have no bearing on the blood brain barrier. So basically I have no answers or ideas what is going to happen this moment forward.
I'm trying to be calm and open to the universe on this. Really I am. I have moments that are better than others. Trying to hold myself together is proving to be a challenge. I really don't want to imagine any sort of life without my Jeremie. He tells me he is at peace. Will I get to that point too? I just can't stop thinking about how much I love him and our incredible life together. Was that the gift? I used to say that we were so lucky to have met each other when we were so young, and how much life we have lived together since meeting. We have lived a life time in 19 years. I'm selfish...I want more. My life and my dreams are intertwined with him and our children. How does one let go of that, and start imagining such a different existence?
Ok...done with feeling and talking about that...I'm pulling a Scarlett O'Hara and thinking about that tomorrow!
Well...I will keep updating. Definitely looking forward to Jeremie feeling stronger and better.
Love to all...
Cori
You don't know me, but I actually live in your neighborhood, and I feel terrible I've never met you. I've been keeping track of you and your sweet family through Relief Society and I just found out you had a blog. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine the things that you have had to face these last months. Stay strong. We have been and will continue to pray for you.
ReplyDelete-The Vernon's
Thank you Anne...someday I hope to get out of my house and meet more of my neighbors. Everyone we live by is amazing. Thank you so much for your thoughts and your prayers. It means so, so, so much to my family. I thank God everynight for people like you that pray for us. Thank you, Cori
ReplyDeleteCori,
ReplyDeleteReading your comments made me cry because I completely understand the pain in your questions. My husband has bipolar disorder, and abandoned us a little over a year ago. He provided no explanation, and avoids talking to me. People tell me to move on, but I ask myself the same questions that you are asking yourself. How on earth can I move on when all of my goals, and dreams include him? I just can't figure out how I can move on without him. My heart breaks for you, because I know the pain that is involved in those questions. Sometimes the pain is so bad that you can't breath. I am so sorry that you are facing this. If nothing else, I hope that knowing that someone out there understands the pain helps bring you a little bit of peace.
NEVER feel selfish for wanting more time with Jeremie. You have every right to want that. I remember teasing Jeremie as a little boy about girls, and he was completely disgusted in the thought of girls. Now he is completely head over heels in love with, and devoted to an amazing woman! I am so proud of the life that you two have built together. You are such a fantastic couple. I want nothing more than a miracle for you guys!
If you and your family need ANYTHING AT ALL, please do not hesitate to ask me. If you ever need someone to talk to, or cry with, feel free to get in touch with me. You are not alone! Much love and MANY prayers are being sent your way!