Ka Ka...Leukemia sucks. What a soul crushing, devastating disease. I'm such a dummy, I just open my heart up to tragedy and see if I can cause myself some more pain. I have read a couple of other blogs on AML. Does anyone survive? Is everyone just tortured for a while with chemo and radiation...throw in a transplant for some extra torture...and then die? Good Heavens.
I made another really dumb mistake and decided to watch Jeremie's tribute video by his brother Robin. Yeah I pretty much spent last night bawling my eyes out. I'm not sure what I'm searching for, I'm not sure what I'm looking for. What I'm grasping at?
How do you make sense out of all of this? How do you go forward? What does that really mean? It's so odd...I think in the back of my head that something magical would happen, or I would wake up and this would be a nightmare. Just pretend...right? I want to understand it all. But then I don't, cause I can't make sense of it in my brain.
Sorry for the negative post...this is the reality of my life. The up and down of everyday. I'm always grateful for our gifts and blessings. I'm also so incredibly sad. I wanted to read those blogs and see miracles that people live after leukemia. That for some, all of the sacrifices and pain was worth it. I just didn't find those stories today.
Hmmm...praying for those sweet families who have lost those sweet loved ones, praying for those families battling this disease. Praying I can get a grip.
Here is the link for Robin's incredible video for Jeremie. I'm so blessed to have been loved by this man. To have been accepted 100% for everything I am, to have been told that I'm beautiful and sweet and smart everyday...especially when I was feeling ugly, mean and dumb. That is all I see in this video, how much he loved us. http://youtu.be/tkgulAZRPE0
Breath in and breath out...all I have to do right?
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