10-31-11

I've been running a little crazy the last several weeks. I haven't had time to blog. But I'm at work, everyone has left, and I have a moment of peace.

A year ago Jeremie and I had the best Halloween! It was our first Holiday together in our house. He dressed up as a Rock-Star and I was a sloppy pink bunny. It was so much  fun! He took the kids trick-or-treating and I stayed at home and passed out the candy. The kids had so much fun with him. He felt good, he looked good and we where getting ready for the next day for Salt Lake. Jeremie would be receiving his third consolidation. Sadly November 1st, is when we found out he had two chloromas or leukemia tumors on his spine. Our whole world changed yet again. So this time of year is turning very difficult for me.

I have struggled over the last several weeks with the logistics of being a single parent of five children. It is awful. I wish Jeremie was here, even if he just could hear me whine. I'm afraid my poor co-workers just can't hear about it anymore. Poor things, they try so hard to be here and there and accommodating to me. And it is the epitome of my worst fear. To be the pathetic, widowed, single-parent. I'm just not digging that whole role right now. I have worked so hard in my life to be independent, and self-sufficient. This is really putting me out!

I have a lot of things I'm debating on changing or making my life simpler right now. I have been thinking about selling the motorcycle and the Yukon to get a more efficient and cheaper car to run. I just hate making these types of decisions by myself. I have no feedback. I have no other perspective of making life-changing decisions. I'm good at the whole priority thing, and which comes first. But trying to put some sort of order and resemblance of life and role back into my being is proving to be the most difficult.

I haven't been able to study this past week for my test. I've been too overwhelmed with my children and their individual crisis's and issues. I'm again really missing the man that took such good care of me. He just babied me and loved me. I can't tell you how much I miss being me, and I miss him close.

Well here is for praying for a better week. Today wasn't the greatest day, but tomorrow the sun will shine again.

I miss you all so much...I love my wonderful friends and family.

Love to all!

Cori