03/07/2011

This last week has been so crazy busy. Trying to get caught up last week with family/work/house was an adventure. Attemtping to sleep alone in my bed was another. I don't quite think I slept longer than 2-4 hours each night. So exhaustion is starting to rear its ugly head. I think that is why my ability to cope is waning.

We (meaning the 5 little monsters and myself) went up to Salt Lake on Friday night. We didn't end up getting out of St. George until 8 p.m. So we didn't get into Salt Lake until around midnight. Thank goodness for Alex he drove until Nephi until he was too tired to drive. It is nice to have another driver in the family. I am looking forward to Scarlett getting her permit :-).

We then went over to the hospital Saturday morning. My Jeremie spoils and protects me. I've kind of suspected it, but now I know for sure. This whole last week I have called him several times a day. He did tell me it was difficult to talk, but that he was doing fine. I started emailing him during the day to tell about the kids and my yucky sleep, and how much I miss him. That way he didn't feel obligated to chit-chat with his needy wife.  I also knew he had lost his hair  as last week when I was saying goodbye his hair was in my hands. But I wasn't prepared for how pale, tired and just plain worn out my poor baby was. It just took me by surprise. I don't know why...I mean we have been down this road before. I will admit it shook me. The kids and I just stayed a little while. Then I took my kids to my moms.

Scarlett and I were able to spend several quite hours with him while he slept. It was a needed break for me. I enjoy pressing the silence button on his I.V. pumps, pressing the call button when his infusions are complete and being there when his eyes do open. But all too soon it ended. It is very difficult to bring all the kids up to Salt Lake and really spend the time I feel I need to spend with him. So the kids and I discussed on the way home of them staying in St. George during the weekends. They are so good to their mom :-)

I just want to hold him close. Let him rest. And watch him heal. He really is doing quite well. Everyone on his medical team reports that things are just as they are supposed to be. That doesn't make it easy on him or his friends/family. But he is on the right track. His numbers are still zero...don't really expect any changes from that end for at least another 11-30 days. So they continue to support him with blood tranfusions & platelets. He has quite a bit of mouth/throat pain caused from sores. They are starting to heal. But his poor body just takes forever. It will speed up expotentially once his blood counts return. He still has the pain pump, and is experiencing the whole nausea/vomitting side of cancer treatment.

I will probably only update weekly while things are at a "stand still" or stable. Of course I will update with any news or changes.

Lots of Love,

Cori