Well I have posted a couple of updates/panic attack sharing on my facebook page. So if this is a repeat...sorry.
02/15/2011- Tuesday night was just plain miserable for Jeremie. His pain was at intolerable levels, and then became impossible to handle. Severe pain mixed with high doses of pain medication = delusions. He was angry (uh duh) and not super helpful with his "medical helpers" aka Nurses and CNA's. I stayed at the hotel that night, as we were booked there until Thursday morning. I arrived for his 1st total body irradiation appointment at 0900. I knew Jeremie had been struggling. He called at 4:00 that morning that his pain was out of control, but as we were talking the pain specialists walked in the room. He seemed to have calmed down. Then he called me again to let me know what time the radiation appointment was.
So then I get a call as I just found Jeremie in an exam room (huh?). The call was from his cell-phone. That just plan freaked me out. I answered it and it was his nurse for the day. Jeremie loves this nurse. This nurse really understands us, and we both feel very close to him. He really explains things from his perspective and we respect him tremendously for his honesty. He lays out how the morning has gone. Explains that Jeremie is in the exam room because he is refusing to do the radiation. And they have been working on getting things under control. He said, and I don't think I will ever forget words said like this to me "Get him to do the radiation Cori, or he dies". Uh...okay. Will do. Put on my best psych-nurse hat and went to work.
So how does one tell another person in the most excruciating pain of their life to keep going? How do I and what do I find to motivate him? And the answer was nothing. To him in that moment death was the sweetest gift that could be offered. Except that it couldn't be offered soon enough. I just told him to get up, we were going in and getting it done. And he did. I wish I could say something great and magical happened. In a way it did, cause he just got up. Painstakingly of course. Something that should have taken 40 minutes for the first treatment, took 4 hours. He couldn't stand up. He had to restart several times.
Got a lot of medicine in the poor man. I can't believe he can even stand up with what he is having put in his body to stave off some of the pain. He got through the second treatment. Last night I decided to check out of the hotel early. There was no way we were going to have a morning like that again. So that started with having a good night. I didn't care if I stayed up forever. That morning was just plain awful. My little plans worked well. He had a pretty good night, and a great morning. Considering how the last few days have gone.
He officially has two more days of radiation twice per day. Then Sunday he begins the chemo portion of getting ready for his transplant. I'm hoping as the treatment progress his pain lessens. It seems to be in tiny amounts.
I appreciate the opportunity to share in this manner. It helps me to process things. I know people read it for updates. But this blog is an easier way for me to share. I am allergic to tears, they give me a migraine and make me non-functional for days. Strong emotions are things that are going to have to be dealt with when I have a minute. Right now...don't have a minute. This venue of sharing information, lets me share without the emotional side-effects. So I appreciate it, and all of you for listening to my emotional ramblings while I share.
Lots of Love and appreciation,
Cori
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